I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
