he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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