Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
