so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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