Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
