I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
