Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
