At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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