Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
