I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
