we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
