I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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