you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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