All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
