I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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