We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
