Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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