I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wanna go halves on a baby?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
