pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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