I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The feeling are messing with the penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
