the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
