I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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