Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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