I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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