Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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