If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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