the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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