On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
