i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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