Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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