You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
