Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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