so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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