Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you had me at cake vodka
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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