I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
