This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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