you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
