Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
