If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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