I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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