'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
