It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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