I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
