I wanna bring you to show and tell
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
