Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
