Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
