Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
