I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
