I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
