you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it glows. i had to have it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
