I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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