He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
