we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
