Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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