GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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