Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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